so i almost had my real first consentual kiss....

well i stopped him cos i panicked. he stopped when i wanted him to. we were confused and stuff but talked it out. it was nice.

so i guess i was kind of flirting, being silly, kind of hinting...i don tknow...but then i panicked.

really it was no big deal. we talked it over like mature adults are supposed to :)

i think it is more my problem than his. it is kind of hard to kiss was when all you had was....them....its not even just forced kissing by my ex and stuff. its the fact that someone kissed me who shouldnt have in the first place and it is sad....
i am fine tonight though. i am not mad or angry at all. i am not even "triggered" i am very happy that we could talk about it maturely :) as unstable as i can be, we handle things together in a very stable way. it surprises me but it makes me happy.  i just know that i still need to heal though :(